tomorrow marks a downfall. i hope that it is the opposite.

a year ago, i wasnt myself. i gave everything i had to someone that i thought was giving everything to me. I was blinded by the idea of being the perfect person, making everyone happy, bending to everyones needs. i had no friends, they all hated me because i gave up my soul for this person. i was all about them. i didnt care if i was happy, all i wanted was for him to be smiling, even if that meant that he was happy about something besides having me.

Well, he gave up on me. i knew he still cared for me, he told me. but it was too hard. i worked so hard to give him everything, and he gave me up. maybe because he could see how pitiful and broken i was under the fake smile and fake happiness i forced myself into.

He was smart. I needed to work on myself, i needed to love me.

im so glad we are best friends still. im so glad we have no awkward moments. im so glad we still make each other smile, that he is still here for me. that he teaches me things that no one else ever could. that i know he is such a compassionate and amazing person. that he thinks complex, he has deep feelings, he is caring.

one year later, i still have the scars of the person i became. i had to fight my way out, kicking and screaming and crying.

but now, all i want is to forever have him in my life.

run

i know what i want out of life. I know what i want in three years. I know where i want to live, what i want to be, who i want to be around. but right now, everything is a blur. I dont know if i'll ever measure up. I can try though, right? at least then i could go to bed all alone in some city somewhere, maybe with a puppy, and think to myself , "at least i tried. this means it wasn't meant to be. and this means im just not good enough." and i could sleep with that.
I couldn't sleep knowing that i was too scared to try. or too hurt to care. or too lazy to work.
or that i sat and thought about it too much instead of just doing it.
Time, along with myself, is my biggest enemy.
sometimes, time goes too fast, and other times it doesn't go fast enough. its a tricky, sneaky thing.
Big amounts of time make my heart hurt. I can deal with change, i can deal with hard work, i can deal with pressure, i can deal with stress. But i can't deal with time. I feel like, if i could freeze everything right now, i could start running, and just run and run, and then maybe i could run right into the future. right into who im supposed to be, without the wait, or the work or the worry.
One instant in time and everything could change. time is a scary thing.
thats why nobody can sit and wait. your life, and everyone else's life, could change with one blink of your pretty eyes, and then where are you? you have to find new dreams and new plans.
So start working now. Every second, every day, So that you aren't nowhere when your time comes. If everything changes before you get to live your dreams, then at least you know that you had a wonderful, productive time working for it. and that you're that much further to accomplishing another dream. You have a place in this world. When you have a goal, go full out fearless for it. Keep working for it until you get it, or until the universe picks you up and faces you in a different direction.

take your pick. You have the whole world open for exploring and deciding. but once you do, focus. dont waste your time.

whatever you're headed for right now, stop walking towards it. run to it.

In the end, time does allow us to try.

"When the world is upside-down,

and we're walking on our hands,

but we keep on spinning round,

and who knows where we'll land,

in the end

in the end."

"Confidence is a trait that has to be earned honestly and refreshed constantly."

find your confidance and never let it leave.

hard work+fearless=zest

I wrote two songs today. i wrote some music on the guitar. i had a wonderful convo with my cousin + im so glad she found a prince charming. she said this about me to her new boyfriend: "So, my cousin missy, she's only 15, but i swear...she's like a man and life expert. it's crazy."

Im so incredibly happy to know that i have worked myself hard enough to get to that point. The point where someone i love and admire and look up to says that kind of thing about me.

Life is zesty. Eat it up, day by day. Take every good thing in and let it change you for the better. If you dive into things fearlessly, you can live things that will take your breath away. Be confident in yourself. You are loved.

Live life full out, fearless.

hello

Dear new life,

I'm 100% in love with you. Fresh start, new people, blank slate. Don't let me scew it up this time. Love, M

inspire me

"Nothing beats getting awarded "most inspirational". Not even a new pair of dance socks. It comes close, but just doesn't beat it."

The past three months i've learned more about myself than i have in my entire life. I learned that hard work pays off. I've learned that paying attention to others before yourself makes you feel incredible, all the time. I've learned that if you have something to drive you, you can do anything that is thrown your way. You've got to reach deep inside, somewhere down in you, find that power and that confidence, and release it. Use it to make the world a better place, and yourself a stronger person . It may take a lot of searching to find that power that drives you to do anything. Dont give up. Pick yourself off the floor, because nobody will. Once you have it, you're unstoppable, and the stars aren't the limit--they're the beginning.

Inspire me. Move me. Make me want to be a better person, to push myself. Please. Nobody can stop improving, stop getting better, or not try harder. There is just no limit to how amazing you can be.

"Be the very best version of yourself that you can manage."

Thank you all for this honor of "inspiring". Too many of you have inspired me, and i can't thank you enough.

You're beautiful and strong souls. Move the world. Inspire.

Im a complicated girl, and i like figuring things out on my own. I like to figure people out, figure myself out, figure the world out. Life isn't easy. Everyone has to figure it out.

But sometimes, it's refreshing to know things. It's refreshing when something makes sense right away. Its refreshing to walk around and look at the world from a perspective that makes sense. But life doesn't have to make sense for you to make it what you want. If it's confusing, so what? Pick yourself up, duck your head and charge the world full speed ahead. Live with no worries, only the worry of being the greatest, best version of yourself that you can be.

My life doesnt make sense, but im slowly reinventing myself and crafting myself into something that will someday, make a little more sense.