Love me or hate me, I'm still gonna shine

i need to take time to figure out where i stand with my life. It's so confusing. people coming and going, dreams being born and dying, harsh words said and inspiring words forgotten.

I seem to tick people off a lot, because i have such strong opinions. Im known as the person that will never shut up about what i think is true and what i believe. Friends come to me because im honest in my opinions, and what i say, i mean. You can find honesty anywhere you go, if there are people willing to give it to you. I am willing. So if i give you my truth, dont be mad; because honesty is what every human being is secretly hungry for, and you probably asked for it.
I think it's good to have the quality of being truthful, even though it makes other people mad sometimes. You can hate me, if you want, but i won't stop. Im fearless, i'll keep on going. I have a little army of friends that will back me up any day, and all i need is them, and myself. I may not know where i'm supposed to be, but i know that i need to keep going and take what i have and try to make the best of it. I know people will hate me, for reasons that i dont know or deserve, but i'll tell them this: Someday I'll have everything i've ever wanted, and all because i was honest to myself and others, and worked my butt for what i wanted. Enough said.

I had it all, but not what i wanted

I thought i had it all figured out. But now i realized that I'm hungry for work, and hungry for a packed, busy schedule. i cant just sit around and let the world do everything for me. I have to be up doing things for myself. things that i want, i have to work for. The greatest satisfaction comes from working your butt off at something and being the best you can. I want to reinvent myself to be more determined and headstrong. You get what you want, only if you can get it yourself. It's up to you to decide if you'll give it your all, or cheat yourself of greatness.

work work work

im busy busy, but i wish i could dance all day. that, and play music, and sing. also, lay in bed and listen to taylor swift songs.

This song is my song now. ive listened to it too many times to count. Id like to thank taylor for writing the perfect song to cry to... : http://http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V3dSocSVb4M

And this, this amazing song...this is a song that an incredible person told me to listen to...he told me he loved it and that i would too. We talked about things we thought were amazing until we fell asleep. i wish every night was like that. http://http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hy8m90clHgw

I wish i was a rockette.

I wish i was Keltie's best friend.

I wish i was really good at guitar.

I wish i could write hit songs.

I wish my arms weren't so long.

I wish i didnt walk funny.

I wish people wouldnt give me weird looks for being happy.

I wish i could sleep better. im bad at it.

I wish i had a dance studio and a music studio in my house.

I wish my hair was shorter.

I wish it was kinda curly, too.

I wish that i could tell when somebody is going to treat me crappy.

I wish that i could travel around the world. being homeless and just lodging myself in any city that i felt like.

I wish that i had a beagle.

I wish i had every color of leg warmers and tights.

I wish that my teeth were whiter.

I wish that all my friends weren't busy with cool stuff. Or maybe i wish i was involved in something right now too.

I wish that i could eat breakfast every morning. it just doesnt happen.

I wish that i knew what my heart wanted. it changes its mind too much.

I wish that i could to a better high kick with my LEFT leg.

I wish that it was snowing.

I wish i could tell everyone i meet how i feel about the world. most people dont want to hear.

I wish that i had more defined leg muscles.

I wish that i could take more time to my makeup. it is usually crap.

I wish that i could meet taylor swift. be her best friend, too.

I wish that i had rad boots.

I wish that everyone would join me in skipping down the hallways and while singing happy songs.

I wish.....

I wish i didnt wish so much.

selfless

i think today was one of my most selfless days.

usually im going and going trying to please myself. I'm always worried what i need, if im content, if im in a good mood or not. But today was different.

I watched the movie "United 93" today, for the second time. the first time i saw this movie, i was 10, and didnt get it at all. Today, i watched it all alone in my room, in the dark. The movie is about the passengers on the airline united 93 that took back over the plane after the terrorists hijacked it, and flew it into the ground before it could reach its destination. I must say, that movie has a special place in my heart. I cried and cried not because i was thinking about how scary it would be for myself in that situation, but because of how scary it had to be for them, how they had to say goodbye to their families, how courageous they were. I want to be as selfless and fearless as those people that charged the terrorists, took the plane and gave their lives to protect the capital. I wish that everyday, i could have that fearlessness and selflessness to forget my needs, accomplish what i need to do, and help the world be a better place. Yes, ourselves are important, but i realized that we should do the right thing for everyone else first.

The world needs more brave people. We need more fearlessness. We need to raise our voices to injustice. We need to fight in what we believe in. We are all on the same team. In the moive, strangers came together to save their country. Brave souls exist. Find yours, it shouldnt only come out when you're in danger.

We can take a lot from those events on 9/11.

Be brave. Be fearless.

Performance

tonight was our choir concert at the junior high. I got to perform with my friends Savanna, Kaylee, Sarah and Brie, and i got to watch my best friend Madi sing in her all girl choir. (rocked butt, by the way)

It went well, for sopranos i think. I could only ear us, i dont know how we sounded as a whole. We got to wear super rad robes,

which made us look like wizards. Savanna and i were casting spells on each other during rehearsal. The robes are too much fun. Plus three inch heels.

I felt alive singing up the risers.

Such a good night.

Invisible

"And i just wanna show you, she dont even know you, she's never gonna love you like i want to , and you just see right through me, but if you only knew me, we could be a beautiful, miracle, unbelievable, instead of just invisible."

It hurts me when i see someone love another person so much, and that person just looks right over it. These people are so out of tune from love. They almost have love handed to them, and they just ignore it. they want someone else, they always want something more. the person falling head over heels for them is never enough.

If these people only stopped to look at the people that love them so much, this world would be a better place.

It hurts me to see many of friends love someone, and the people they love just turn away. they dont even pay attention to the girls that will hike miles with blistered feet just to see them, or stand out in the cold to talk to them. They dont see the girls that really, truly are beautiful.

they go for the girls that play them, and play them hard. they dont know that these girls pay the same special attention to about 20 other guys. They use them and talk to sweet to them, but really, they're dying for some other boy. in the end we have hurt boys, and hurt girls. and we're just all hurting each other. We need to give the people that may not be our first choice a chance.

these poor boys are blinded to see the girls that really like them. the girls that talk about them with their girlfriends at sleepovers. that take extra time in the morning to look pretty just for them. that sing every love song thinking of them. nope, these poor boys just take the obvious.

Everyone needs to slow down. The most amazing and lovable people are never popular. i cant name one famous person who was popular in school. the most amazing people are in my seminary class, most of them i wouldn't have ever talked to before, and im so glad i did. Because they are my brothers and sisters now. The person im most thankful for giving a chance is my best friends madi. We weren't friends before 6th grade, and i wasn't planning on being friends. but i talked to her and gave her a chance. turns out she is one of the most beautiful, intelligent people i know. i love her more than she knows, i dont where i would be without her, she has helped through so much. she is so interesting. she keeps me laughing and thinking and loving.

Its always the underdogs that have a better story. the person in the corner that you never wanted to be friends with, thats the person you need to talk to. they have something you're missing.

not that people cant work their way to the top, like a lot of people do, but we already pay too much attention to the poeple at the top. why not look down for a change?

Ive hurt too much wanting people to love me, I dont want the same for my friends. Ive cried adn tried to change myself and wanted them so badly, i couldnt think of anything else. Please, stop looking over us. We are better than you think, and we are amazing. Start talking to someone, you might find a companion for life.

Last night was one of the best i've had in a long time.
I burned all my school work in a huge bon fire. rad.
I jumped into a freezing lake with my best friends while it was pouring rain.
Yet, it was sunny while the rain fell.
I ate a ton of junk food and smashed a cupcake into madi's soda.
I danced around the dock, and did a dance leap off the rocks into the water.
I ran down a road in the dark and popped balloons in a tree with a marshmallow stick.
I burned my toe on a coal. I talked with my best friends in the dark as we floated on a water trampoline. In our clothes.
Then i went to Madi's house and we looked through our year books and told stories and shared pictures. We talked and talked and watched videos for a long time.
we fell asleep at 4:30 a.m., watching none other than Panic at the Disco's "Live in Chicago" concert.
If i didnt have my friends to help me, my family to show me, my inspirations to guide me, then i would be a wreck. I would be lonely and unaccomplished. One of the most important thing to me is growth and letting things go. Letting parts of you go that don't matter anymore. That aren't relevant. "you know what it's all about? being able to loose the things that you don't need anyways"-KC
Learning to take a deep breath, shut your eyes, and drop the thing that your hands have been clutching onto for so long. And then you feel so tall. You feel so Powerful, you feel so daring. You feel so loved. And thats where it begins. The journey that we call life.
Everything is so perfect right now. Im ready for a new journey, a new mountain to climb, new high-fives and unforgettable vibes. Bring on the sweat and the hard work. Im not ready for a break. From school, yes. But from life, real life, no. Keep 'em coming.

Pills Pills Pills, because my body has chills

All i can say is that my heart is gurgling.
and my body has chills.
maybe tomorrow i wont need pills to function.
Watching "So You Think You Can Dance?" Makes me happy.
I feel like i should be out somewhere, doing something important.
This is definately a fever i can't sweat out.

Keep dreaming big.
Miss you all

Love MD