Tuesday, March 1, 2011

tomorrow marks a downfall. i hope that it is the opposite.

a year ago, i wasnt myself. i gave everything i had to someone that i thought was giving everything to me. I was blinded by the idea of being the perfect person, making everyone happy, bending to everyones needs. i had no friends, they all hated me because i gave up my soul for this person. i was all about them. i didnt care if i was happy, all i wanted was for him to be smiling, even if that meant that he was happy about something besides having me.

Well, he gave up on me. i knew he still cared for me, he told me. but it was too hard. i worked so hard to give him everything, and he gave me up. maybe because he could see how pitiful and broken i was under the fake smile and fake happiness i forced myself into.

He was smart. I needed to work on myself, i needed to love me.

im so glad we are best friends still. im so glad we have no awkward moments. im so glad we still make each other smile, that he is still here for me. that he teaches me things that no one else ever could. that i know he is such a compassionate and amazing person. that he thinks complex, he has deep feelings, he is caring.

one year later, i still have the scars of the person i became. i had to fight my way out, kicking and screaming and crying.

but now, all i want is to forever have him in my life.